April 2013
1 post
My other Tumblrs
www.thelifeofjord.tumblr.com
www.poetryforpeople.tumblr.com
March 2012
3 posts
Month 11 & 12
One day sticks in my mind as the turning point in these 2 months. I’d been taking my tablet everyday as I was told; I hadn’t really noticed much apart from my stints of depression were less frequent and less intense. But then one day I was on the bus back from University (I had actually been in!) and I got stuck in one of those stares where everything around you is a blur of irrelevance. I started...
Month 10
I sat waiting for these pills I’d been taking to work. It didn’t happen in this month. I think I felt slightly better due to admitting I was depressed, if anything. I still felt the lethargy; I didn’t want to go out and face the world in this month. However, on the flip side, I didn’t stay in bed for days. Maybe I would have an ‘episode of depression’ around...
Month 9
It was just a normal day for anyone else. I got up, got dressed, brushed my teeth and had some food - pretty standard behaviour. But this wasn’t a normal day; this was the day a massive weight I had been carrying for countless months was to be lifted. After this day I’d feel free. After this day I will have started to shape and mould my life into everything I wanted it to be, instead...
February 2012
4 posts
Month 8
By this point my illness had really started to have a damaging effect on my life. I was so skinny from not eating, I was so mentally tired from trying to fight the negative thoughts in my head, I had become nothing. I spent the days in bed, literally eating as little as 2 pieces of toast. I had no desire to do anything, not even talk.
My relationships were being affected, especially with my...
Month 7
This was most definitely the low point of my illness.
I stopped attending my classes at University, I didn’t want anyone to see me in this state. I spent the month lying in bed, doing absolutely nothing. I felt like I was wasting away, and was absolutely helpless.
When I was on my own in a dark room I would start to get really angry. I would get so angry at myself for just lying there,...
Month 6
For me month 6 was spent feeling like a Failure. I recognised that I wasn’t right (but wouldn’t admit I was ‘depressed’), so tried to prove to myself that I was fine. I wasnt fine.
I spent a chunk of the month trying too hard to be back to my ‘normal’ self. I tried too hard to be funny, too hard to be happy; I wanted to prove to myself that I was fine - I was...
Month 5
January 2011 - New year, new start, new me. But unlike many people the ‘new me’ wasn’t me at all. He was a shell - a much quieter, uninterested, unsociable shell. A shell that soon after the turn of the year started to despise what he had become. He started to feel so guilty for ‘burdening’ people with his presence, and ultimately started to think of ways to punish...
January 2012
8 posts
Months 3 & 4
NB. I wasn’t 100% sure whether to post these 2 months as for some it may seem a tad dull compared to the rest of the blog. However, I quickly realised that that is the point. If I wasn’t honest and dramatised my story it would be a completely unfair reflection of the illness. I hope you appreciate that.
These 2 months my depression seemed to plateau. I didn’t get any better,...
Anonymous asked: I'm a 14 year old currently working through my GCSE's. I work hard in school, so you can imagine I'm not the sporty popular kind of kid. But I have a negative attitude towards most things. I spend a lot of my spare time in my room. I feel like I'm just waiting to grow up, and I feel that I'll be a lot happier when I'm out in the free world as a working adult. Is this...
Month 2
The 2nd month brought about more subtle changes in my behaviour. Coupled with the changes in the 1st month I had my first person ask me if I was okay, in a serious manner. To this I replied ‘yes, why?’ with a rather confused expression on my face. -I hadn’t noticed anything. The person smiled and said ‘okay’, and that was that.
I stopped being asked out by people later on in the month, as they...
Anonymous asked: When you're feeling down how do you like people to approach you, if at all? Do you want to talk about it or would you rather be left alone?
'The Depression Diary' - Month 1
NB - This blog may make depression seem rational and methodical. I cannot stress enough how this isn’t the case - there is no way I could have written this in the present tense. More adequate adjectives to describe the illness would be irrational, intense and crippling.
I decided that the 1st month in my blog would be defined as the month I believe I started to show signs of depression....
Before I Begin...
I thought I would take the opportunity to explain how I am planning on laying out the blog…
I will be writing a month by month ‘depression diary’ to highlight the changes in my behaviour and how I felt during this period. I was suffering with depression for around 12 months, before I acquired the strength to admit it to myself, and then others, and eventually a Doctor. For the...
Anonymous asked: when did it begin, and why?
Hey
Hey guys & girls,
That picture of me was taken about 2 years ago - I loved my life. How could I not? I had everything; a loving family, a roof over my head, friends, a girlfriend, a promising football career - nothing to complain about.
Here I sit, 2 years later in exactly the same position…bar one thing - I’ve spent the last year of my life struggling with an illness. An...
